Ingrained

Gosh, sometimes life is HARD. I mean, really HARD. Sometimes life is out of our hands and the things that happen we have no power over...and it can bring us overwhelming heartache, and you just wonder how much you can bare...but you wake up every day and get up, even tho you might not want too, get dressed and go thru the motions, even tho your heart is breaking. You put on a smile and a happy face and just push thru, and you keep going...because that's what you have chosen to do-keep going. Even when life brings you to your knees and you talk till you're out of breathe and can't talk anymore and just hope God knows your heart and can make sense of what you're trying to make sense of yourself. You just keep hoping and just keep going, because you have chosen too, and maybe that's all you can do, and that's all that makes sense to do. Because you've been a fighter all your life, it's ingrained in you, you were taught to not give up, you were taught to pick yourself up, you were taught to keep going and you will keep going-even when it's hard...because that's what you have chosen to do, and no matter what-the light will come.

Heart

Sadness seeps in the light of my heart. Covers my eyes to hope. Leaving me gasping for air and thrashing...empty and alone. I hear a cry, it's my own heart pleading, pushing, standing, breathing, alive...even amidst the turmoil, questions, heartache. It beats for me, for hope, for love. It beats, and I remember for a moment that I am strong, even tho broken, I'm strong. I remember and the light wakes me up to hope...it wakes me up. The sadness fades, the light shines, and my heart beats. I'm alive.

Kenny

It seems like a lifetime ago when I was a kid...I remember some things very clearly. Going on road trips with our little family. My parents would listen to Dolly Parton, The Oakridge Boys and good ol' Kenny Rogers. We would listen to all of their cassette tapes over and over again. I'm pretty sure we knew all of the words to each song. All these years later when I play or hear certain songs it reminds me of those good ol' times, and good ol' memories. In fact, we listened to The Gambler the other day with our kids and we talked about those road trips, and memories associated with the song. It also reminds me of my Mommas, Daddy...boy, do we miss them both. I honestly think this song has some really good advice in it for us to follow. To me it is not just about gambling, it's about LIFE...just knowing when to hold on, walk away, knowing when to run. I mean, Life feels like a gamble at times, but we keep going, and we don't give up until it's done.  Every single day we have choices before us, and at times we may feel like we have a losing hand, but we play what we have and do the best we know how...and the rest we just gotta let go sometimes. As my daddy always tells me; "It will work out", and you know what? It always does...especially with Kennys help.

Photograph

I get teased often because I take a million pictures. I don't even really ask people to pose or to look at the camera, I just take it as is. In the moment. I used to get asked a million times why I needed to take so many dang photos. Now, it's just known that I am that gal who does.
To be honest the reason I do it, is to capture the moment, the second where everything is still and we are happy. Where we can look back on them when life is hard, and we can feel all of the love that is in these photos...we can share memories and stories of young and old.
The first time I heard Ed Sheerans song, Photograph I cried. He said everything that I feel when I look at the photographs of my loved ones. We all have hard things to face in this life. Life is hard, and in the same breathe it is beautiful. I strive each day to find love and point it out to my family. Love is everywhere and in everything, and in really dark and bleak days it can be in that photograph...which can remind us of happy times, of being care free, living and enjoying each other...giving us that warm hug we just need sometimes. I want my babies to know and remember this, all of this is for them, all I have chosen to do is for them...they are my everything...they are the reason I feel alive. Even though life is not perfect, I want them to have these photographs to look back on, to remember, to remind them of the love that we have...the hope in our eyes. It's always been there, and will be there till the end and beyond. It's intertwined in each part of our lifes...it's in all of us. It is one of the greatest gifts we have.

The power to choose

I can only hope to teach my children to think of others, rather then themselves. To reach out, even when you may feel you have nothing to give. Being thought of, and acting on that thought is a very powerful tool. It can brighten someones day, when they might feel alone or hopeless. It can give light to someone who may be enveloped in darkness. It can boost the confidence of a young lady or a young man who may feel lost or lonely in their group of friends. To be thought of by another human being and to act on that thought for another human being is one of the most powerful things we can do to change someones life...sometimes even in a completely different direction. Over the years, I consider our family truly blessed from the kindness of others, it's been given so freely, and at times has been so desperately needed. It can be so simple to choose kindness, to choose good, to choose to include, to choose to make that call, to choose to open your heart, to choose to show up, to choose to listen, to choose to support, to choose to love, to choose to sacrifice...even if you may think you have nothing, you do. Just look inside and you will find it.

Memories

Memories are so powerful. They can invoke so much emotion in seconds...sometimes they are happy and joyful, or remind us of sadness and hurt. Recently, I was reflecting and suddenly overcome by such a powerful emotion of sadness and joy at the same time. Tears ran down my face as I recalled the memory of the parting of my sweet momma at such a young age...yet thru it all the memories brought me to joy of all of the memories I had left of her. In her short life she lived. She was fierce, loyal and strong. She loved passionatley, had a unique laugh, fought hard, and loved. Loved. That is what I remember the most, is that she loved, and she wanted to stay on this earth, but she didn't. Now, I teach my babies what I remember about her. I see her strength in them, in me, in my siblings. She is in our hearts, in our memories, an angel to watch over us, and carry us thru. I value my memories. I value the experiences we make together as a family. Whether they are good, hard, happy or sad. We are creating memories to carry us thru our lives. I can only hope that my babies will remember the moments we experience, the challenges, heartache, loss, hope, the love I have for them, the bond which cannot ever be broken. Thru it all, we have each other, and the memories that no one can take away from us.

Good Life

I am blessed. Sometimes I have to remind myself how lucky I am. Perspective is everything. I have loved this message and song for years. I have chosen that whatever life throws in my direction, I will persevere, I will do what needs to be done, even when it is so hard, I will find the good in each day, move forward, love, embrace, live and remember the good life I have been blessed with.