Hope For Sarah 5k

We woke up this morning to snow on the ground, and a light snowfall. It was the 5k today and I had been praying for warmer weather. We got the kids ready, and began our drive to Payson. The weather worsened the further South we drove, until we reached the first Payson exit. It was wild, the clouds were moving at a slow and steady pace North, and there were blue skies the rest of the drive. I told Andy that God heard our prayers, it was an amazing thing to see. We arrived and there were familiar faces putting things into place, there was a feeling of excitement in the air, kids running around, volunteers cooking, people prepping, it was a surreal experience.
9am rolled around and Heath gathered the runners together for a pre-race talk. There were familiar faces, and many whom I had never met, different ages, with kids, without, young, and old. Heath said "Go", those of us staying behind lined up behind the fence cheering them on as they ran by. I had tears running down my face, my heart was bursting from it's seams. I was overcome with peace, and love. It was palpable, you could feel it all around. Some of the runners had tears as well. I realized at that moment, that this wasn't just about me. These people were running for a purpose, a cause, to raise awareness, to give hope...so freely, of themselves to another in need, to fight together.
A few minutes later they started a fun run for the kids, which I did with my son Noah, and many others. My nephew Jack was next to us, running as fast as his 5year old legs could run. Do you know what? He didn't stop once. He ran the whole mile. He didn't give up. He didn't cry or complain. He kept running...and he finished, and he was so proud, and I was proud...What a beautiful boy, oh how I love him.
We were there to cheer the runners coming in. I tried to talk to each one of them, and say thank you. Each person that started the race, finished it, I was inspired by there tenacity. It was an eye opening experience, my life will never be the same.
We ate breakfast (which smelled delicious, and I was told it was), and then they had an auction after. Many said that was the funnest part! Brad and Julie Silcox who are professional auctioneers donated there time to help! Before they started Heath and Mahogani gave me a beautiful plaque, and I was able to say thank you to the many who came out to support us. So many people had given there services, time, gift baskets, food, and love, it seemed like everything you could think of was there! I think one of the best parts about the auction was my Uncle Noel. He is hilarious and is always good for a joke or two...in fact he started out walking the 5k with a walker, and ended with it to! My cousin Kristie was bidding on an item and "someone" kept on raising the price on it. Finally she looked around and saw Noel. He laughed, and laughed, we all did, it felt good to laugh. Well he did that on almost every bid! You really had to fight for it if you wanted something! What a character, I sure love him. That is what was wonderful. I was surrounded by friends, new and old, I was happy. We were together. I was at peace, and I savored each moment, I will never forget this day. I will remember it when life gets difficult, and It won't feel so difficult after all.
After it was finished, and we were saying goodbye to friends. Heath came up to me, and we embraced. I sobbed in his arms, saying thank you over and over again. "Keep fighting" he said, "You can do this...we are here for you, and will do whatever it takes to help you get better...we love you". I told him I loved him, and Mahogani and wished I could give them the world, he told me I already had, by fighting to live...I walked inside and saw my family. Words cannot express properly the love I have for these beautiful people...I just want to tell them thank you...and that we did it! We won the race! Whether you come in first or last, it doesn't matter, it just matters that you come in, do your best, endure to the end, and finish...just like my nephew Jack did. Thank you to everyone for giving me the hope I need to win this race. I love you all. May God continue to Bless us all, like He has today.

Rain

We went on a walk today and it started raining. Instead of bolting for the door, I told the kids we should try to catch the drops in our mouth. With open mouths we stood in the rain, water splashing on our faces. Each kid would squeal in delight when they "caught" a rain drop. Trying harder and harder to "catch" another one. For a moment time seemed like it stood still for me. I closed my eyes, lifted my head to the sky and felt the rain on my face and body. I felt clean, new, invincible. I stretched out my hands to the sky, soaking the moment in. Kids laughter in the background put a smile on my lips, and brought me back. My babies were smiling, giggling, and dancing in the rain. We were wet, but not cold. Our hearts were warmed from the rain, the moment. As we found our way back home. I thanked God for the little piece of Heaven we got to experience today...tiny rain drops.

The Journey

Wow, what a journey this is. This great experience called life. Where you learn what love is, pain, friendship, desire. Where you learn that laughter does make things easier. Where you learn that people are more important then things. Where you learn how to give, and how to receive. Where you get a chance to find out who you are, and the reason you are put on this earth. Where you are tested beyond anything you think you can endure. Where you get the opportunity to know God. I believe that everyone who is on this earth is here for a purpose. You have a purpose. I have a purpose. You have a choice. I have a choice. A reason to live. A reason to love. I have had a great opportunity to live, and I desire a lot more time. I'm not finished with my journey. I have so much to see and do. So much to feel and be a part of. So much to learn. No, this isn't the way I thought life was going to be for me...for us, but I have come to realize that this is the life I chose, and I accept it, and I love it. I am enjoying this gift. It's been an amazing ride, and I look forward to the rest of the journey.

Bonnie

I meet with my sister Bonnie at least once a week, and we sometimes talk a couple of times a day. We do all sorts of things together. A few weeks ago we met at IKEA, and fed the kids lunch before we browsed the store. In between 3 kids and 2 adults (not including me) they consumed 45 meatballs, Yowza! We go to each others houses and let the kids run wild in the backyard, or in the basement. While the kids are playing Bonnie and I talk about what we are making for dinner that night, what's new and exciting that we didn't talk about the day before, our kids, our life's, our plans for the warm weather, we reminisce about memories we have made. Sometimes we just sit and watch the kids, enyoying each others company.
One of my favorite things to do with my sister is dance. She always tells our nieces and nephews that she tried out for "So you think you can dance" and didn't make it. I'm always in the background supporting her claim 100%...you should ask her about it sometime. Most afternoons that we hang out, after the kids have napped and had "quiet time", Bonnie turns on the music and we jam out with the kids. They love it. We love it. I remember dancing with Bonnie when we were probably 8 and 10yrs. old in our play room. We would make up different dance moves to Madonnas, Material Girl song, among many others. We thought we were so cool...what am I saying, we WERE cool! When we go to my brothers house and pull out our dance moves we get a lot of strange looks from our nieces and nephew but we don't really care, we're having the time of our life's. It's so nice to spend time together laughing and smiling, just living in the moment and enjoying each other. I'm grateful for her and her sweet family in my life. I look forward to the new experiences and memories we will make, like dancing in the kitchen together with our grand kids, and eating meatballs at IKEA. Heres to you sister! I.Love.You.

Second chances

Yesterday, I had a rough day...Today I'm grateful for second chances. I'm grateful the sun came up, and we had blue skies. I'm grateful that I woke up. I'm grateful I could talk to an old friend. I'm grateful my kids could play with there friends. I'm grateful I could go on a drive. I'm grateful my kids were so happy. I'm grateful we weeded the garden together. I'm grateful for the sunshine on my back. I'm grateful for little kisses and hugs. I'm grateful for my better half. I'm grateful I could sit and be still. I'm grateful I could talk to my sister, I love her. I'm grateful I could use my body. I'm grateful for my green shake. I'm grateful for my health. I'm grateful for my voice. I'm grateful for this journey and experiences life is giving me. I'm grateful for the time I've been given. I'm grateful for second chances.

Mirrors

In our home we have sliding door mirrors that cover our closets. They are plastered with kids slobbery kisses, imprints of hands, smudges of tiny lips, and faces. To a "normal" person I'm sure they look dirty, ie; Andy, but not to me! I clean them maybe once a month (if that) when it gets hard to see yourself in them...but in the meantime I'm enjoying those mirrors, and tiny prints. Because someday, they won't be there anymore, they won't need to be cleaned, they won't be kissed, or used for pretend play, or hide and seek. The other day my Mother in law pointed out that there were "a lot" of hand prints on the big mirror in our living room. I just smiled and said I know! Isn't it wonderful? I didn't wash them off, I think I'll enjoy them a little bit longer.

2/28/2011

Every few months I get to go to the Huntsman and get a CT scan, or an MRI to check the status of my "Cancer". If you are dealing with an illness like this, you probably know the drill...The Doctor puts in an order for you to get a scan months in advance, you get to drink a delicious drink called barium (sarcasm here) over a period of an hour and a half before your test, they inject you with a dye which makes you feel like you are wetting your pants, and then you get the scan. The rest of the day you get to deal with all of the junk coming out of your system, it's really quite lovely. This last test my Oncologist suggested I get an MRI because I've gotten so many CT scans and with those scans had a lot of radiation exposure. With an MRI you need to fast 4hours before the procedure, you get to lay super still on a table, strapped down (I guess they are afraid you will jump off), with an IV, wear headphones to block out the sound of the machine. (It sounds like a jack hammer, I'm not joking). The test lasts about an hour. While laying there your mind can run in several different directions. I have learned over the years that it doesn't do me a damn bit of good to think negatively. I let my mind relax, and then my body followed...all the time thinking that I have done everything in my power to get better to follow a healthy lifestyle, to make good choices for myself, body, soul, and spirit. It's almost surreal really, because you are at the mercy of God, of this machine. It's going to give you results, whether they be good or bad, whether they make you happy or sad...you will get results...And you will go forward, and you will keep living, no matter what the results are. You have to.
After checking into my Oncologists office, we wait in the waiting area. There are so many different types of people there. Young, old, middle aged, with hair, without, families, friends...some make small chat, but mostly it is quiet. There is an underlying bond, we're all there for the same thing, going thru similar situations, fighting for our lives. Although I don't know anyone in that room but Andy, I feel like I do, I feel like they are my friends, we are connected.
We are called to the back by our nurse Vanessa. We have known her for 3 plus years, she is a beautiful girl and we exchange what has been going on in our lives. She weighs me, checks my blood pressure, temperature, I get my blood drawn, I'm ready. She leads us back to a room, chats some more and leaves to find our Oncologist. At this point in our visit my heart is racing, and I'm praying...for peace, understanding, insight, love, the prayers pour out of my heart, and cover my soul. I'm fidgety, Andy holds my hand, and we look at each other.
The Doctor comes in, I try to read her face, her movements. After a few pleasantries, we ask, So, how is it? It's stable. Andy squeezes my hand, my heart is racing, I tear up, smile, give thanks to God, and feel like I can breathe. After all day, I can breathe. She does an exam and tells us again. "Sarah, keep proving us wrong, keep proving us wrong." I tell her I will...because that's what I want to do, and I will do it. She tells us we are good for another 4months. I can live with that. We embrace, and tell her thank you. I feel like she cares, I know our team of Doctors care...I am very blessed.
We walk out, and I look around the waiting area, I wonder about all of the others sitting in that room...and I hope that they will receive good news, either way we keep walking, we keep going, we keep living.