I promise

I promise I'm not very different from you...I'm a Momma. I get up early to get the kids ready for school. I take care of my home. Laundry, cleaning, cooking, playing with the kids. Sweeping the floor a thousand times a day, after each meal, snack, and then another snack. I run the kids around with me wherever I go. We go grocery shopping and pick up an ice cream cone at Maceys (so I don't go completely crazy while shopping). We have play dates with other Mommas, and chat about our babies, our husbands, our lives...while our kids run wild. I'm really not to different. Please don't treat me different just because I have Cancer. The big "C" word... Don't get me wrong. I am better because of it. It has refined me as a person, my spirit, my life, and continues to do so. I am so blessed...Sometimes it takes difficult experiences in life to really "open" your eyes to what you have right in front of you...to help you change. That's how it has worked out for me. But really. I have good days like you, and bad days to. Hell, I cry when I'm happy and I cry when I'm sad. I cry because I'm in love...why hold it all in is my motto! I promise I'm not very different from you. I have a lot to talk about other then Cancer. Give me a chance and I'll talk your ear off! My name is Sarah. I am a child of God...it is so nice meeting you. xo

My Hero

I've got a Hero. I am the luckiest girl alive to have him in my life. I look up to him so much. I know I can call him at anytime and he will make time for me. He always has good advice to give...even if I may not want to hear it, he still gives it! I know he has my best interest in mind, as well as others. He taught me how to live, by living a good life. He taught me how to work, by teaching me. He instilled in me a desire to seek for good things, to be the best I can be, to serve and help others. To work hard and to play hard. When times are tough, to remember the many blessings I have. To look at the good things this life has for us. To be proud of our beautiful country. To be grateful for the freedoms we have. He has made me feel important, and special. When I was a kid, he comforted me when I had a bad dream, gave me a blessing when I had my first day of school, trusted me. Took us kids to work with him, and put up with our shenanigans. He had Faith in me, when I had none. He trusted me, and supports my decisions. He never gave up, even when life was difficult for him. My hero is my Dad. I hope everyone has someone to look up to, like I've been blessed to have. Seriously. Where would I be without him? I thank Heavenly Father for him everyday. I hope I can be more like him. I love you Dad, to the moon and back. Thank you for everything. xoxo

No matter what

The other night, after the babies were in bed, Andy and I were up talking. It was one of those talks we have had a thousand times. "What are we going to do? What are our options? What treatments can we do?" We expressed our concerns...at one point I broke down and started crying. I just want to get better I said. I am so tired...I want to live. Andy said he knew. He wanted all of the same things I did.
After a bit Andy said, "We already know Sarah, no matter what we won't give up. No matter what happens we will keep going, no matter what, we will move forward. We will do our best. We will keep going even if it is hard...We will keep going." My tears flowed freely, and I was overwhelmed with love and gratitude for this man. Who had such great faith in me, in us...in God. When times are difficult he reminds me of what we have...No matter what we will never give up. No matter what.

We all look like we feel...

I talk a lot about the little things that go on in my life...but after having cancer my eyes and heart have been opened to so much more that life has to offer me...
While listening to music as I was cleaning up the breakfast dishes. A song came on by Dashboard Confessionals: Stolen. My beautiful little boy came up to me bouncing up and down saying "dance with me Mommy, dance with me". For one second I thought that I "should" finish cleaning the kitchen...but I looked into his eyes and threw the towel on the counter. We held hands and he was jumping up and down (he gets his moves from his Momma) all the while giggling and so happy, his laughter was contagious! My baby girl came over and wanted to join in. She actually was listening to the lyrics and said; "Did he really steal her heart?" I explained to her that he loved her so very much that she had "stolen" his heart...not literally, but he had given his heart to her, and no one else. The thought came to me: These sweet little babies of mine and the man of my dreams have stolen my heart. I am theirs forever, and ever, and they are mine...nothing can break that bond. Nothing...It was so nice to just "forget" for a moment, and "be" with my babies dancing the morning away... I am so blessed to be in love. It is a beautiful thing.

Perspective

On December 5th I went in and had an MRI and talked with my Oncologist. For weeks before I was having trouble sleeping, concentrating...I was worried. I spent a lot of time on my knees asking God for peace. On that day I was so grateful...I felt it. The tumors are slowly growing, and they found a new lesion. Initially I was quite sad, but after thinking about it for a bit I was grateful. Grateful that they are "slow growing". Grateful we have time to find a different treatment path. Grateful I have Andy by my side. Grateful I could go home and hold my babies. Grateful that I feel good, and am not having symptoms. Grateful for prayers from family and friends...even strangers. Grateful I have a loving Heavenly Father who gave me peace this day...and who helps me have a better perspective of my beautiful life. It's a good, good life.

11-11-11

11 things I'm grateful for:

God
Birthdays
Bowling
Laughter
Hope
Holding hands
Kisses
Notes
Paper Turkeys
Dancing
Sweet family

I am happy. Today was the best day I've had in a long time. Thank you to all who made it so very special...I'll never forget it. xoxo

Simple Plan - Save You

A couple of years ago when Andy was driving me up to the Huntsman for a doctors appointment. We were listening to music and a song came on by Simple Plan, Save you. I hadn't heard before. He turned it up and said to listen to the lyrics. I listened intently. At the end of it he turned it off and said "This is exactly how I feel about you." Tears streamed down my face.
I cannot imagine how Andy has felt these last 5 years. All of the late nights, praying, care taking, loving, cleaning, restlessness, uncertainty, researching, hoping, pressing forward... He has been a constant in my life, and for this I am thankful. He is my love story. He is part of the reason I am here at this moment. I have never once heard him complain or ask why. Has he struggled? Yes, but he keeps going. I am so grateful he has put his faith in God... in me, NEVER giving up. I am blessed to know him. Thank you for keeping me alive in so many ways...When you think about it, don't we all need saving at one time or another?