Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can hear him saying "Honey, it will be okay, it will all work out...keep your chin up!" Today I really miss that man, my Gramps. He was spectacular in every sense, honest, plain spoken, said it like he saw it. He knew how to shoot the breeze, with the best of em, you couldn't bull shit him around, and he sure as hell wouldn't let you! He was direct and to the point, stubborn! He served in the war, the Navy, he was proud. I called him many times and thanked him for his service, for Grandmas as well. While he was in the Service, my Grandma went on a mission to Illinois, Gramps paid for her mission...they were both serving in some way. I loved hearing those stories. He worked from dawn to dusk, missed dinner a thousand times...kept going, until he wasn't able to. Never giving up. Never. He was humble...I remember hearing him pray, it was like God was sitting right in front of him, hearing that changed the way I looked at prayer, and I am thankful. He lived for his kids, and grandkids. He worked so hard for all of us, sacrificed so much on our behalf...we never even knew how much, until he was gone. I miss him so much. Sometimes I feel his prescence near, and I hear his voice....this is what I can hear him saying:
"How you doin honey?" "I'm good Gramps!" "How's Andy doin?" "He's good." "You're not treating him bad are you?" "No, I'm not!" "Well, you've got a temper...it's in your blood!" "I know Gramps, I get it from you!" (laughing on his end) "I hope you're not putting nails in your matrimonial coffin! Every time you say something mean, or hurtful....or do something that isn't nice, you are putting another nail in that matrimonial coffin!" "I know, I know! I'm not being mean, I promise!" "Well, I want you to think about that for a while...I remember Momma making dinner for me so many times and not showing up till late, and not giving her flowers on a special day...and when she was gone, it was to late. I'm trying to make up for it now. I take flowers to her grave all of the time, and try to live better...so I can be with her again." (I'd be crying, like I am now) "I love you Gramps!" "I love you to honey."
We probably had that conversation a hundred plus times...he was always worried about my Andy. He always said I picked a good one! He liked that boy! Oh, how I love him...He wasn't ever one for attention, didn't like all of the fuss. He would quietly serve in his own way. Whether it was helping out a neighbor with car problems, giving away boxes and boxes of his beautiful tomatoes he would grow every year to anyone. I remember sitting at his kitchen table, and him and Grandma were talking about taking a bunch of food to a family in need...and they did, and she wasn't even home to thank them. That's just how they worked. I miss the visits to Chuck a Rama, he knew what was on the menu every night...I think "White Fish Friday", was his favorite night. Andy and I would chuckle because he would put about 2 inches of tartar sauce on top of the fish...I'd ask him if he could even taste the fish? He looked up from cutting it long enough to call me a smart ass! I'd call him up during the week and ask if he wanted to go out on a particular day...he would say he had to think about it and see if he got a better offer! He would turn almost everyone down for a chance to go to my Aunt Sylvias house! She would play "Oh My Father", on the piano for him...over, and over again. He would sit in a side chair, and I'd kneel next to it, and put my head next to him. He would rub my head, tell me he loved me...I knew he did, and that's what mattered...and it still matters. Before he died, we got to talk to him. It was so special, he bore his testimony of his beliefs. (lds.org) He asked that we never stop believing...
With many tears shed, I told him it was Cancer that I had, and I had started treatments, and I was scared. He said; "Honey, it will be okay, it will all work out..." And, I knew it would be okay, and it is.
I'm just so lucky that I got to know my Gramps, that I know that he loves me, that I'm able to feel him around every so often and I embrace those moments...that I have so many amazing and funny memories of him. Thank you Gramps, my life will never be the same because of you!
