datestampTuesday, May 25, 2010

Movin on...

My last CT scan didn't go as I had envisioned. We were told that the tumors were still growing and I needed to decide asap when I wanted to start chemotherapy. We were given 2 different types of chemo to choose from, both in there first phase of testing (which means they haven't been tested on humans yet). We were given a lot of information to read about each one and they wanted us to come back in a month to discuss our decision. Of course we were a little dissapointed, and I cried a little but I decided that wasn't going to help me with we move forward.
Andy suggested we re-evaluate our course of action. Get rid of the stuff that isn't working, keep the stuff that is, and find new things to try. I've been on my "special" diet for 3 months now, which consists of alkaline vegetables, unrefined oils, quinoa, millet, amaranth, and buckwheat, and I added eggs the past month (which are DELICIOUS)! I get colonics twice a week, which help me feel so much better, I'm taking a green drink, several supplements, and eating A LOT of super foods. I'm doing an alternative treatment every 25 days which is called: The Life Vessel, it's located in Santa Fe, New Mexico. It's light, sound and vibrational therapy. We feel like it's been helping me as well. I've also been doing a treatment called EVOX, and ASYRA. There is so much information out there and so many things to explore and try. It's just figuring out what is the best thing for me, for us.
We have been doing so much the last few months, and we have so much more to do. I feel like my Dr's. are really pushing me to do chemo, which really pushes me to find an alternative to it. A lot of people don't realize that if I start the chemo, they tell me I will be on it the rest of my life. I don't want that.
We are moving forward, with Faith, Hope, and Dedication. I'm not giving up, neither is Andy. We will find a cure. We will. May God continue to bless us all.

datestampMonday, May 3, 2010


I wrote this to Andy on April 26, 2007, I still feel the same today.

Dear Andy,
I am awake at 7am this morning looking at you and thinking of the future. So many people are telling us it is bleak, but God isn't. I would rather believe Him.
I hope you know that you are the love of my life. I never knew that life could be so good and that I would be granted a second chance. I guess we are given trials to make us squeaky clean for the Lord.
My heart is full. I love you so much, more then I can explain, my whole being. You have made this trial so much easier and you have carried this burden with me. Thank you. Thanks for believing and trusting in me. I want to grow old with you. I want to have more children here on this earth. I want to raise Ella. Oh how much I lover her.
I know that God lives. I know that our Elder brother Jesus Christ is my Savior, and if He has gone below us all, I feel like I can do this. For some reason, some purpose we have this trial. We have learned so much. That life is too short to be angry, that Ella is so precious to us. These things are making us stronger.
You are an amazing Dad. I am so proud of you and how much you have grown. It has been wonderful seeing us as parents, I never knew it was so good. I never knew we could be so blessed, beyond measure. And here we are asking for another miracle.
Sometimes I worry because my main concern is you and Ella. I can't bare the thought of leaving you and my baby, but I have to put those fears in Gods hands. He knows the desires of our hearts. He knows that I want to live, I feel it in my whole being.
I am so grateful, grateful to you for your faith and strength. I have drawn from it many times. I need you, I love you, I want you, I am thankful for you. You have been so strong and amazing. We are so blessed Andy. We have such a good life. I look forward to many more years with you. I love you to the moon and back baby. You are always in my heart. Thanks for being my best friend.
Love you,

May 3, 2010

Dear Andy,
Ditto, but with one more kid! I love you so much baby! We're gonna do this!