OG Ornery Guts

When I was a kid every morning when my Daddy would wake me up...I guess I was pretty ornery, and he would say to me each day "I'm going to be happy today!" He would then tell me to say it with him! I honestly didn't like to be told that every morning! I also remember my Momma calling me "OG ornery  guts", after really pushing her about not wanting to practice my piano...since then, I've been teased many times, (in a loving manner by my siblings) by being an "OG ornery guts"!   When I ask my Dad about how I was when I was a kid growing up, he said that I was mischievous,  always getting into trouble, and strong willed. He also said my sister Bonnie watched how I acted, and did the opposite! Well, I guess you learn from the best! (insert laugh here)
In a few hours I go in for my MRI...  I've been thinking a lot the last few days about being happy with what you have, in front of you. It took me years and years to grow out of being ornery in the mornings, and not having a good disposition. I can honestly say that now I wake up each day happy...not because my Daddy told me to be,(although it was ingrained in me)  but because I chose to be. Right now is a new day before me, and I choose to be happy today, no matter what the outcome is, no matter what the results come back as...I will be happy, because I can be...goodbye OG ornery guts forever!

Sometimes...

Sometimes I let myself mourn for the life I would have had. I long for one more baby, to have the choice to have another child, and not have to answer all of the difficult questions...What if there are complications? Is it selfish for me to desire another...would I chance leaving my babies alone on this earth? My heart breaks...literally breaks, and I weep, and somehow find comfort, and a still heart thru my tears. So much talking, and getting nowhere but the beginning...the same beginning. I long for the day where my life isn't filled with Dr. visits, iv's, shots, illness...where my life doesn't revolve around if Mommy isn't feeling well.  I try so hard to look at the good things, for there are so many blessings I have....but sometimes these thoughts creep up on me and I need to release them.  For so long I held them inside, pushed them down, but they always come back to me...Now, I'm letting them go...one by one. God knows my heart, and He is good...He always finds a way to take care of me...and I am grateful and happy that He cares. In the meantime I wipe my last tears away, and move on...living.