Grace

When I wrote my last post, I second guessed myself. It sat for hours without me publishing. I felt strange asking for prayers.  After hours of going back and forth in my mind I fell asleep. I awoke around 2:45am to the thought that I absolutely HAD to push the publish button...the feeling overcame me and I did it. I realized that I need you. I needed these prayers and good thoughts. I've felt a lot of peace over the years, but the last 3 days have been phenomenal. No late nights worrying, no anxiety, just peace. Oh, how sweet it has tasted. I am forever indebted to you all.
Today I found out that some of my tumors have calcified and are in necrosis, which means they are dead. I also learned that several are vascular, which means they're alive and have their own blood supply, but they are STABLE!  This is AMAZING news! The treatment that I've been doing for the last year and a half is working! We saw a light at the end of the tunnel...and it felt so good embracing it. I know we have a long journey ahead of us, but I know we are being blessed along the way. Words cannot adequately express my thoughts and feelings.  This I know with every fiber of my being that God lives. I know He is aware of each of us. I know that I'm living because of His grace. I know He hears us. We are not alone. Thank you for being a part of our journey. Much love to you my friends.

real

I know a few things in this life are real.  One of those thing being prayer. For me, I know that God hears me and listens to my pleas. I know He hears you. I have a simple request... If just for a moment would you please say a prayer in my behalf? Is it strange to ask? Maybe...but I know He will listen. Call it what you may. A higher power. Being. Universe. Prayer. Thought. Will.  I know there is power in many.  I'm being honest. Asking real questions. Do I have Cancer? Yes. Should I still be alive with the type of Cancer I have? No, but I am living by the grace of God. Do I have my CT scans in 36 hours? Yes. Am I human and need peace? Yes. Am I afraid at times? Yes...but tonight...tonight I'm focusing on what is real. I need you...for a moment. Please. I have Hope. I know He will listen.

Alive

I love to dream...it keeps me grounded. I love looking forward to the next moment. Life has so much to experience...so much living to do. I talk often with my sweet man about our dreams.  Where we see ourselves in years to come...in moments...in time.  I get to hold my sweet babies. I see Joy in their eyes. I embrace it and hold on tight to the memories we are making. I look back and feel so much...wow. We are blessed. I feel happy. Peace. I am in awe to be on this earth;  Here. Now. Alive. I've dreamt of this life for years...and I get to be here. I embrace life and live. It feels so good.  I can breathe.