datestampSaturday, August 11, 2012

Oxygen

I close my eyes, but sleep doesn't come. My mind continues to race, around, and around. I am so tired, so very tired. My body aches, my oxygen machine in the next room, is helping me take full breaths, it reminds me of a heartbeat. pumping. I have to slow down, for a time. I have to ask for help from others, even though I'm used  to doing things myself...I can't.  Everywhere I go in this house, this machine follows me (or I follow it)...for 3 days. 72 hours. At times I catch myself counting down the minutes, till I am free...but I remind myself, it is only for a moment. I've realized, that I need people. I need help.  I am humbled each time, brought down to my knees...giving thanks to God. Really.  For all of the amazing gifts I've been given. For the kindness of family, friends, and strangers. Is this hard? Extremely. Is it worth it? Yes.Would I do it again? Yes. Anything to live. Anything. This life is so worth living. Do you know what I look forward to doing soon?  Walking outside, and taking a breathe of fresh air...on my own.

8 comments:

Kim Orlandini said...

Can I help you in any way dear friend? Love you!

ShayLynn said...

You are so inspiring with your writing! I am always reminded of your strength and optimism through your trials. I know the Lord will continue to bless you!

Tammi Sharp-Nielson said...

I pray daily for you for your health body to be better, for your.babies, your husband. You are such a amazing woman.<3<3

Andrea said...

Thanks for sharing these posts, with us, Sarah--I'm reminded over and over again what an amazing person you are. I'm so excited for you to be able to breathe on your own again too! How is the treatment going? Please, please let me know any time I can come down and do anything for you or your family.

Janean said...

Sarah you are seriously so amazing!! You are such an inspiration to all!

Cheltz said...

This is a hard lesson to learn, but you can do hard things! Hang in there!

Scarlett said...

Oh Sarah. Do you know how much I love and admire you? I think you do. But let me remind you. You are such an inspiration to me. Your strength and optimism makes me want to be better. I am SO SO lucky to have you as my friend. I need to plan a day to come down and see you. I'll talk to you tomorrow. xoxo

Linda said...

Oh miss Sarah, I have been so neglectful. Please forgive me. As I read your post, I think of my Mom. Without her oxygen she could not live. I wish she could live a life so full and rich as your own. Thank you for your inspiration. I love you greatly and you are such a wonderful friend. My Emma still talks about her friend Ella. She does not have many close friends or family. I am just finishing another class and have a week free and Emma in kindergarten which helps Mom a bit. I have been applying for many jobs. I have been helping a family which lives right beside me. She has 3 boys and one on the way and has cancer. I tell her about you always. My Sarah, what a fighter. You so love life and all the simple joys within it. Please send my love to the kids and Andy. I will give you a call tomorrow. Love Ya!

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