datestampSaturday, February 21, 2015

24

I remember being taught to pray as a young child. Growing up and praying as a family each night and morning. I learned to pray on my own and tried so hard to put my trust in God.  After leaving for college and being on my own I prayed a little harder. I eventually married the man of my dreams, or so I thought...but a short year later my dreams were crushed and I became a divorcee at the tender age of 24. I thought I knew what I wanted in life and after the divorce I was broken. I felt broken. Like all that I had worked for was gone. I felt betrayed and oh so sad. For a while after I prayed so hard, fervently. Stronger than I ever had before...and yet over time I became bitter and lost. I slowly pushed away God from my life. Not wanting to pray. Not understanding. Questioning. So many questions. So many whys. No answers. I decided to stop praying.  A few months later I visited my Gramps. I would sleep over and we would go out to dinner, talk for hours, just be together. I looked forward to this time with him. He loved me and I felt it. I knew it. One night after we said goodnight I needed something and went to his door and was about to knock on it. I stopped because I heard him speaking to someone. I knew we were alone. When I listened harder I froze. I slumped down to the floor in awe and just wept. He was talking to God. It was as if He was sitting right in front of Him, and they were conversing. It was the most beautiful experience I had felt in a long time. It pierced my heart. I stayed through his entire prayer and listened intently. That night I headed back to bed in wonder and I prayed for the first time in what seemed like forever. I eventually found my way back to God. I learned to forgive. Not only myself, but my x husband. I learned that we all have free agency. What happens in this life is not Gods fault. Whatever is given to us in this life is given to us so we can grow. We can choose to be happy. We can choose to fill our hearts with love. We can choose to let Him in or turn Him away. Do you know what? When I was ready He was there with open arms. He loved me as I was and am. He still loves me. He is real. I am so grateful that I can turn to Him and converse with Him. I love Him. What a sweet lesson to really learn at the tender age of 24.

3 comments:

Cheltz said...

Yay! It worked! I love the story of your grandpa. It brought tears to my eyes. I'm sure he's so happy that in his small way he was able to help you return to prayer. What a great story!

joy said...

Life is like a battle, if you don't know how to defense yourself then you'll end up being a loser. So better take any challenges as your stepping stone to become a better person. Have fun, explore and make a lot of memories.

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Leslie Lim said...

Great article. I spent my spare time reading some blogs. And I found yours a great and knowledgeable content. Keep it up.

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