datestampMonday, September 26, 2016

It is what it is

I have a terminal illness...at least that is what the Doctors told me years ago. We chose not to believe that news. We chose to focus on the positive, focus on what I can do, what we can do together. Over the years, I have learned that there is power in many. There is also power in one. There is power in perspective, and being positive. Power. Hope. Love...in so many things and people. I would be lying if I were to tell you that it was easy having cancer, because it is not easy. There are days that are good, and I am so grateful for those days. I take advantage of them, I soak the moments in and share them with my beautiful babies and family. There are days that are hard, where I feel as if I cannot breathe, where much rest is needed for my body, where sometimes tears flow...but I have chosen for the most part to push forward, keep going, keep breathing, keep living... I remember the good days and they give me comfort, strength and clarity.
It's been two weeks since I went in for my several blood tests, scans, doctor visits, and it's been two weeks since I have been waiting for the news of my scans and results. During this time many have reached out to me and asked how things have been. We've felt so much love, and been the recipient of sweet messages and kindness. It's been overwhelming, in a good way. I've had the privilege of feeling love...genuine love and peace.  I thank my God for He has walked with me, and it has been a privilege to lean on Him, and all of you. I recognize how blessed I am...and that there is power and hope in many. My Oncologist said that things were still considered stable...even tho there were some changes. She said this was good news all things considering. Sometimes the desires that you want are good, but they aren't what you have in the end...and I'm learning that I'm okay with that, I'm letting go and letting God lead the way...That it is, what it is. I will do what needs to be done. I will continue to do my best and live the best way I know how. Love as hard as I can, cry when I feel tears coming, enjoy each moment that I have been given. Work hard and enjoy the sweat running down my back. Hold my babies longer, be present. I will continue fighting like hell...because that's all I know how to do. As I sit here I can feel my heart beating, and a smile crosses my lips...it feels so good to be alive. I am blessed.

3 comments:

Kim Orlandini said...

Love you friend. Praying for you and rooting for you always.

angela said...

Stable is good! Love you so much! You are a fighter! ❤️️❤️️❤️️

Toad said...

Your strength amazes me! Keep fighting...we love you!

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